Thursday, June 26, 2008

Decisions, Decisions

Ever since my Skype fire, I've been giving a lot of thought as to what comes next for me.
I have really not been able to pursue my own business interests as much as I have wanted because of this other job, but it was also steady income. So I've been thinking and trying to decide whether to focus on my own business (little pink pansy), get another part-time job from home, get an out-of-the-house part-time job, or maybe go back to working full-time. In general, there is no RIGHT answer - it is always situation specific. So I've started looking to see what's out there.
But with every decision I face, I feel like the universe gives me little clues as to what is the right thing to do. Last night, I went out to dinner with some women from my moms group. I ended up sitting at an end of the table with ladies I'd never met before. Their children attended the same daycare center and they talked at length about it and the teachers, facilities, good and bad things, etc. After listening to them talk, I knew without a doubt that I could not send Olive to daycare. Although they were both very pleased with their center, the whole experience of it made me uncomfortable. I simply cannot see Olive in that environment nor do I think that I could handle being away from her all day. I think maybe things would be different if I had a job to go to that I was really excited about (and if my own business ever requires me to work outside the home, I will be thrilled), but I just don't know that this would be the right decision for us right now. Don't get me wrong, Olive would probably love it as she is our little social butterfly, but I think I'm too attached. On the other hand, these working women get to have adult conversations during the day and go out during lunch to get a pedicure - luxuries that I don't have being at home. These are the internal conflicts that I think most mothers have and always wonder what is the best decision. The answer is not the same for everyone and I have absolutely no problem with other's people's decisions, but for me, for right now, I need to be at home with my girl. I don't know whether or not I will get another part-time gig or focus all my energy on my own business, but today is not the day I return to an office full-time. After all, how could I miss the moments like the one shown in this picture? This is Olive (far left) and two of her friends yesterday at the Botanical Gardens. How sweet is that?? Soon enough she will be in school full-time and won't have toddler tantrums and unlimited hugs for Mommy. I'm not sure I'm ready to miss that just yet.

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